january

Free from me

I am here
And you are there
Physically together
I am aware.

My mind you see
Plays tricks on me
You’re here
but it tells me
You don’t want to be?
I try to ignore
and challenge
These thoughts
But at times they’re too grand
They devour, they abhor
Me.

How can I produce
Such misery?

How can I explain
What I don’t myself understand?
To my brother, sister, mother
Father, friend, colleague, lover?
They all reprimand me
For this inability to see
That there is
Love
Without
Self pity.
To believe that they
Love me for me
Despite
Well – all my… shite.

I want to smile without sadness
I want to remember my worth
I want to feel secure
Not practise this self hurt.

Help?

Please
Thoughts.
Please
Leave me be.

You overwhelm my joy
You usurp my expressions
You are living MY life for me.

I can’t let this be.

I want to be free.

Free from me.

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